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Should Grandparents be Discipling Your Kids?

Q: I just finished listening to the inContext episode about grandparents. As a parent who has a preteen and a teenager, I was really thinking through this a lot. My parents are Christian, but they, through a multitude of reasons, have not been able to connect with a church or have not allowed themselves to connect with a church.

My mother-in-law who actually lives with us is Catholic and then my father-in-law and stepmother-in-law live on the other side of the country so they don’t get a lot of influence. So what would your advice be for us as the parents on how to encourage the grandparents of our kids to be those spiritual influences? Or should we just mark those off the list if they aren’t in line with what we believe spiritually or theologically? 

Summary

In this episode, Dr. E responds to a thoughtful voicemail from a parent navigating the complex spiritual dynamics between teens, grandparents, and extended family. Shane asks how to encourage grandparents to be meaningful spiritual influences when their beliefs, church involvement, or proximity don’t align.

Dr. E reframes the question by shifting the focus away from fixing grandparents and toward faithfully shepherding teens. Rather than viewing grandparents as a “mission field,” he encourages honoring them realistically—telling family stories, sharing memories, and creating space for connection without forcing spiritual expectations that may never materialize. He reminds parents that honoring father and mother remains a biblical command, even within imperfect family systems.

The conversation also highlights healthy boundaries. Parents are not responsible for manufacturing grandparent-grandchild relationships, especially when dysfunction or distance is present. Instead, Dr. E urges parents to invest deeply where they do have influence—modeling faith at home, discipling their children, and helping teens become spiritual “free agents” who own their beliefs.

Finally, the episode explores the powerful role of youth leaders, mentors, and trusted adults. When grandparents cannot fill a spiritual role, God often supplies others who can. The encouragement is clear: love well, set realistic expectations, and trust God’s work beyond your control.

Takeaways:

• Parents are called to disciple their children, not fix their grandparents.
• Honoring parents doesn’t require forcing a spiritual relationship that isn’t there.
• Healthy boundaries protect children while leaving room for grace and hope.
• Teens are spiritual free agents who must eventually own their faith.
• Youth leaders and mentors often shape teens more than family members realize.
• You can’t overlove or overencourage—but you must give people space.

Links Mentioned:

Larry Fowler: Legacy Coalition on inContext

Find more episodes of Ask Dr. E here.

If you’ve got a question for Dr. Easley, call or text us your question at 615-281-9694 or email at question@michaelincontext.com.