Question

I’m having a hard time with responding as to why I can’t attend a gay wedding… I have a friend that’s gay, she’s getting married and she’s invited me. I’ve declined, but she would like to know why I cannot attend… she’s not a believer. I stumble upon my words because I see from a worldly perspective how it can be interpreted as judgmental and non loving. I’m really struggling…she’s expressed to others that she’s hurt by the lack of support she’s receiving. I do not want to reflect anything other than Christ’s love and I don’t feel peaceful with not addressing, any biblical guidance would greatly help! What are we called as Christian’s to do in these circumstances? How is her sin any different than the sins we commit daily?

Answer

Each Christian needs to stand on their own decisions in these areas. Any marriage outside of a heterosexual, monogamous marriage is wrong. So, as a believer in Jesus Christ, we can’t be gray in that area. Rosaria Butterfield, who came out of the lesbian lifestyle, is now married to a Presbyterian pastor and has a couple of kids.

She says, “It’s not loving if you don’t tell a person that they’re living in sin.” There is a caveat here. If you’re talking to someone who doesn’t know the Lord, your first and foremost response has to be, “I love you as an individual. I care about you deeply. You’re a great friend of mine, but I come from a faith system and a belief system that is who I am. This is my identity in Jesus Christ, which precludes me from certain things and permits other things. I don’t want to hurt your feelings. That’s not my intent. But there’s a greater concern here, and I’d love to talk with you about that sometime.”

Now, if you receive a wedding invitation, you have to respond. Christians in this culture are vilified if we don’t celebrate and validate sins like this. We could point out celebrities and Christian names that have gone in this direction. It is egregiously wrong and unfortunate. So, be kind, be loving, and stand firm. When speaking to them, use the word ‘identity’ intentionally. That’s where people gravitate. If they want us to respect their identity, can they respect our identity as a follower of Jesus Christ? He loves us and paid for our sins.

Repenting and Coming to The Lord

Please, don’t cave to the culture, folks. You must be able to lovingly say, “I love you, I care about you, but I can’t do that.” Indeed the best case in the world would be that this friend who identifies as gay that she and her partner would someday come to the Lord and repent and choose to submit to God’s will for their life. If God decides to intervene in that way, we want them to be able to come back someday and thank us for being the ones to tell them the truth. So take courage, trust Christ, be kind, and be loving, but please speak the truth.

So, how is her sin any different from our daily sins? When you’re choosing to live against God in such a flagrant and committed way, that’s not the same as the fact that we are all sinners. It’s not about a bigger sin or a lesser sin. She’s entering a lifestyle of sin as a sinner. We want her to know the love of Jesus Christ, and if you love God, you want to obey Him. It’s not a matter of quantifying our sins. When you love Him, conviction, the Holy Spirit, and self-control will all come into play. That’s the redeeming power of Christ.

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