In A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, Donald Miller pens,
“If you have a beautiful story, it has to have conflict. If you don’t have conflict, it can’t be a good story.”
Consider that for a moment. All great stories have conflict. If a story doesn’t have conflict, it has practically no plot line at all. The emotionally moving climax of a story, is when our hero overcomes the conflict– when the boy finally gets the girl, when the superhero conquers the villain, when the beloved criminal mastermind gets away with his heist!
The same is true for relationships. A relationship that has never weathered conflict, might be a nice friendship but it certainly isn’t one of weight and depth. Relationships are strengthened and matured when two people face conflict and have to work it out or weather the storm together. A relationship that survives conflict, is the most beautiful relationship of all.
Yet, when conflict appears in marriage, we think, “Uh oh! We’re in trouble!” But what if we stopped looking at conflict in marriage as something that is “wrong” and instead, looked at conflict in marriage as an opportunity to mature in our faith, grow in our communication skills, deepen our relationship with our spouse, and ultimately love one another in a more rich and meaningful way?
Join our table discussion on conflict, trials, and expectations in marriage in this 4-part #FightingFair series.
All newlyweds face initial adjustments or difficulties in the early stages of their marriage, but the key is how we respond and learn from those difficulties for the next round of trials and adjustments life will bring.
Just as conflict is inevitable between two married sinners, external trials and hardships are also to be expected. It’s not a question of “if”, but “when”. So how do we respond to external trials that impact our marriages? How do we shift expectations and position ourselves to grow closer together through the trials rather than drift apart?
As most couples approach marriage, each partner holds unrealistic expectations and unknown expectations. Our unrealistic expectations stem from a lack of true understanding of what marriage really is, but our unknown expectations can be even trickier, leaving us frustrated and confused but not entirely sure why.