He plans an elaborate proposal. She says “yes” through tears and squeals. Today’s typical church-going couple will likely attend 3-6 months worth of pre-marital counseling, but at the end of the engagement period, will still have put many more working hours towards planning their wedding than preparing for their lifelong commitment. This is not to place judgement on those couples. It’s neither bad nor good; it’s simply reality.
No matter how great a pre-marital counseling curriculum is, it’s not enough to equip a young couple with the tools, resources, and relationships they will need to form and sustain a lifelong, happy, healthy married life. Over the last decade, dozens of Christian marriage books have been published with one overarching message: Marriage is to make you holy, not happy. But can’t it be both?
In Shaunti Feldhahn’s recent book, The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages, she reports that 53% of Very Happy Couples agree with the statement, “God is at the center of our marriage”, compared to only 7% of Struggling Couples. Rewind to the early 90’s, Cindy and I set out on a mission to develop an experience to better equip young married couples for marital success.
Through a two-year, marriage mentor group, we teach couples to study the bible, integrate theology into daily life, and learn how to grow and nurture a strong marriage. Marriage can be both holy and happy, but it takes serious work, commitment, and an unwavering desire to place God at the center of your relationship through His Spirit, studying His Word, and being in community with His people.
Join us as we unpack the concept of marriage mentor group in this 4-part Marriage Mentor series.
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All newlyweds face initial adjustments or difficulties in the early stages of their marriage, but the key is how we respond and learn from those difficulties for the next round of trials and adjustments life will bring.
Just as conflict is inevitable between two married sinners, external trials and hardships are also to be expected. It’s not a question of “if”, but “when”. So how do we respond to external trials that impact our marriages? How do we shift expectations and position ourselves to grow closer together through the trials rather than drift apart?
As most couples approach marriage, each partner holds unrealistic expectations and unknown expectations. Our unrealistic expectations stem from a lack of true understanding of what marriage really is, but our unknown expectations can be even trickier, leaving us frustrated and confused but not entirely sure why.